I have been writing on Blurty since December 15 2002, my eighteenth birthday. There I have gone through my secondary school and university life, the golden period of my teenage, and my postgraduate life, which is still in progress. I am used to indicate my schedule and life pattern in accordance with the school calendar. That is, July and August are months of relaxation, since it is when the summer vacation is on-going. I always want to go to play in December, while it is the semester break. However, the above indication would become ineffective soon, when the term “semester” and “vacation” can no longer be distinguished from each other.
In case most of the people who know me didn’t know, I have gone out with three guys. My first break-up was in the second semester of Form 6, during the peak time of the preparation of Hot-La-La (sorry that I have forgotten the exact English title). I was, technically, dumped by Mr. C, but the feeling of discomfort did not last long. I thought I had more than enough friends to support my life, and being dumped just didn’t matter at all. Or frankly speaking, I was not committed to the relationship from the bottom of my heart. In the second attempt with Mr. N, I was slightly more committed, but still, in a carefree manner. After long struggles and distresses, breaking up became a gateway to freedom and relief.
Yesterday I experienced the third one. I am lucky enough to get this at the age of 22, which means that the former part of my life has been such a success. But now, I am watching part of me being torn off, with no way to change the situation. I think I have tried hard enough to be good, to be strong and considerate, but then the effort does not deserve little appreciation, while I am considered “not getting on the right track” at all.
I never think we are a good match, but at least we share bittersweet moments. Anyway, the game is finally over, and I have lost. What ironic is, I am never confident enough to be granted his promises, as well as prospect of our future. I know I knew that at the very beginning, as every body else did too. He is definitely not the one who I manage to grasp. However, what happened afterwards, was I getting into it hard, straightly and shamelessly.
The conclusion that I, 22 going on 23, finally grow from defeat, could not be certainly drawn at the moment. I just think that adolescence has come to an end eventually. I am welcomed to the real world, where love and patience just don’t play a part. Therefore, Blurty, the embodiment of memories, happiness, encouragements, discouragements, failures, success, whatsoever, would no longer be in use.
It is my youth, and I am no longer young, I guess.
In case most of the people who know me didn’t know, I have gone out with three guys. My first break-up was in the second semester of Form 6, during the peak time of the preparation of Hot-La-La (sorry that I have forgotten the exact English title). I was, technically, dumped by Mr. C, but the feeling of discomfort did not last long. I thought I had more than enough friends to support my life, and being dumped just didn’t matter at all. Or frankly speaking, I was not committed to the relationship from the bottom of my heart. In the second attempt with Mr. N, I was slightly more committed, but still, in a carefree manner. After long struggles and distresses, breaking up became a gateway to freedom and relief.
Yesterday I experienced the third one. I am lucky enough to get this at the age of 22, which means that the former part of my life has been such a success. But now, I am watching part of me being torn off, with no way to change the situation. I think I have tried hard enough to be good, to be strong and considerate, but then the effort does not deserve little appreciation, while I am considered “not getting on the right track” at all.
I never think we are a good match, but at least we share bittersweet moments. Anyway, the game is finally over, and I have lost. What ironic is, I am never confident enough to be granted his promises, as well as prospect of our future. I know I knew that at the very beginning, as every body else did too. He is definitely not the one who I manage to grasp. However, what happened afterwards, was I getting into it hard, straightly and shamelessly.
The conclusion that I, 22 going on 23, finally grow from defeat, could not be certainly drawn at the moment. I just think that adolescence has come to an end eventually. I am welcomed to the real world, where love and patience just don’t play a part. Therefore, Blurty, the embodiment of memories, happiness, encouragements, discouragements, failures, success, whatsoever, would no longer be in use.
It is my youth, and I am no longer young, I guess.
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