I have never thought of seeking help from self-help books. However, I do it this time. Don’t ask me why, cause I have no idea either. Desperate people manage to do anything silly.
I ordered some from books.com.tw yesterday. While it is celebrating its 12th anniversary recently, so many of the books are on sale. I also borrowed some from the university library. This is the first time that I realize its collection is such a huge one.
It has been the 5th day that I return single. Basically I have no progress on my thesis, and I am shameless to the extent that I have had tea with my supervisor for 3 days as if nothing has happened (on being set a deadline for the work, of course). I keep telling myself, okay, he is not coming back. He is not going to change his mind. He enjoys his own life now. He doesn’t need me now. Even if he needs someone, that won’t be me anyway.
I also tell myself that I am living my own life. I ask friends for dinner. I write my new blog. I go here and there alone. I eat all kinds of vegetarian food. I laugh hard. I sleep hard. But then his image is still vivid. There are still hopes that he would ring me up soon. I know it sucks, but it really happens, ridiculously. No matter how self-help books teach all kinds of forgetting strategies and how people should live better than your ex-partner, he is still there regardless of the fact that I have followed almost all the rules.
If I dared to say that he had been treating me very badly, and waiting for him had been such a tiring job, it would be a lot better, because I would be obsessed with hatred but not something like love, concern and missing him. I do not wish that he would become my number one enemy, regardless of the fact that another little voice in my heart says “why not” if I have no courage to face him from now on anyway. I am reminded over and over again how sweet he was, how quiet he was, and how caring he was. Things and memories just don’t pass by time. Conversely, they are reinforced by time.
I have no idea when these gotta end.
I ordered some from books.com.tw yesterday. While it is celebrating its 12th anniversary recently, so many of the books are on sale. I also borrowed some from the university library. This is the first time that I realize its collection is such a huge one.
It has been the 5th day that I return single. Basically I have no progress on my thesis, and I am shameless to the extent that I have had tea with my supervisor for 3 days as if nothing has happened (on being set a deadline for the work, of course). I keep telling myself, okay, he is not coming back. He is not going to change his mind. He enjoys his own life now. He doesn’t need me now. Even if he needs someone, that won’t be me anyway.
I also tell myself that I am living my own life. I ask friends for dinner. I write my new blog. I go here and there alone. I eat all kinds of vegetarian food. I laugh hard. I sleep hard. But then his image is still vivid. There are still hopes that he would ring me up soon. I know it sucks, but it really happens, ridiculously. No matter how self-help books teach all kinds of forgetting strategies and how people should live better than your ex-partner, he is still there regardless of the fact that I have followed almost all the rules.
If I dared to say that he had been treating me very badly, and waiting for him had been such a tiring job, it would be a lot better, because I would be obsessed with hatred but not something like love, concern and missing him. I do not wish that he would become my number one enemy, regardless of the fact that another little voice in my heart says “why not” if I have no courage to face him from now on anyway. I am reminded over and over again how sweet he was, how quiet he was, and how caring he was. Things and memories just don’t pass by time. Conversely, they are reinforced by time.
I have no idea when these gotta end.
1 則留言:
You are so strong. I still being silly and stubborn. Since I choose to leave my home in May 2008, I always burst to tears.
bluesentiment@hotmail.com
發佈留言